


sleep

by driftingashes



Series: Mirrored AU [1]
Category: Sanders Sides (Web Series)
Genre: 4-7-8, Accidental Self-Harm, Additional Warnings In Author's Note, Alternate Universe, Angst, Anxiety, BUT ONLY IN THE BACKWARDS UNIVERSE, Blood, Blood Loss, Breathing Exercises, Character Death In Dream, Creativitwins, Creativity | Roman "Princey" Sanders is a Dark Side, Crying, Dark Side Mom Deceit | Janus Sanders, Dimension Travel, Gen, Hair-pulling, Hyperventilating, Injury, Nightmares, Panic, Panic Attacks, Post-Episode: Accepting Anxiety, Pre-Episode: Accepting Anxiety, Self-Harm, Stabbing, Swords, Sympathetic Dark Sides (Sanders Sides), THEY'RE NICE IN THE NORMAL ONE, The Imagination (Sanders Sides), Unhealthy Coping Mechanisms, Unsympathetic Creativity | Roman "Princey" Sanders, Unsympathetic Light Sides (Sanders Sides), Unsympathetic Logic | Logan Sanders, Unsympathetic Morality | Patton Sanders, during a panic attack ya nasties, trigger warnings in chapter summaries
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-08-05
Updated: 2020-10-28
Packaged: 2021-03-05 04:02:14
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 5
Words: 3,459
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25198177
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/driftingashes/pseuds/driftingashes
Summary: After going to sleep after a movie night with the other Sides, Virgil awakens in his old bedroom in the other mindscape. None of the Others seems to know what’s going on, and Remus doesn’t even have the same function anymore.And yet when he goes to sleep there, he wakes up back to normal. At first he shakes it off as a dream, but the more it happens, switching between realities as he sleeps, the hazier his memories of his own world are becoming.
Relationships: Anxiety | Virgil Sanders & Dark Creativity | Remus "The Duke" Sanders & Deceit | Janus Sanders, Platonic LAMP/CALM
Series: Mirrored AU [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1827763
Comments: 27
Kudos: 73





	1. Wrong

"Remus, Virgil, breakfast is ready!"

Virgil's eyes fluttered open, and he stretched, rolling blearily out of bed and stumbling to the bathroom. The bright light when he flicked the switch on jarred him awake, and he instantly stumbled back from the mirror.

His old sweater glared back at him in the reflection, taunting him. He gaped for a moment before rushing back into his room and gazing around with a growing sense of horror.

The friendship bracelet Roman had made him was no longer sitting on his bedside table, and the card from Patton was nowhere to be found.

"Guys?" he called, cracking open his door. "What's going on?"

"Virgil?" someone asked from back inside his room. Virgil spun, backing up against the door when he saw Remus.

"What happened?" he asked in a near whisper. "What's going on, why isn't anything right?"

"What...Virgil? Are you feeling alright?" Janus asked, materialising behind Remus and reaching for him.

Virgil jerked back. "What's the date today?"

Janus frowned. "March 25th."

"What year?"

"Virgil, are you sure you're feeling alright?"

"What fucking year is it, Jan?"

Both of the other Sides paused, glancing at each other, before Remus finally responded.

"Virgil, it's...it’s 2014.”


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "But we never threatened you?" Remus said, the reply coming out as more of a question.
> 
> Janus snorted, and Remus hurried to correct. "Well, maybe once, but you stole my ketchup packet! A clear violation and punishable by death. I stand by my word."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I think this is going to be my next big work. I'll be putting most of my energy into writing this for now. It probably won't be quite on the same level as the Broken Bonds 'verse is, and I still ned to update the Winter Violets fics and throw together another chapter for The Prince and The Storm. Eek.
> 
> Oh, and I have some old Voltron fanfics I was going to scrap and rewrite. Looks like I have a busy week ahead of me. Getting my wisdom teeth out Friday, getting new glasses Wednesday, and Thursday I'm driving my mom to _her_ appointment.
> 
> Wish me luck!
> 
> ~Ash

"Virgil, it’s...it’s 2014. Same as yesterday. Do you need to lie down?” Janus’s hands fluttered in the air above him, like he was afraid to touch him. "Do you have a headache or anything? Do you remember maybe hitting your head?" He managed to get them all out into the hallway, hovering nervously. Remus stood behind Janus, wringing his hands.

"Wh-Jan, I'm okay, back off," Virgil said, startled enough that he laughed before he could stop himself. "Deactivate mom mode, I'm not hurt. But you guys can drop the act, I'm happy where I am. Nice try with the year, you really threw me off for a second. I think you both made your thoughts on what you'd do to me if I showed my face here again pretty clear. I don't know how I ended up back here, I'm sorry." He backed away as he spoke.

Remus's expression was reminiscent of a kicked puppy being scolded for chewing a sock, and Janus, while a bit more composed, appeared just as confused and heartbroken. "But we never threatened you?" Remus said, the reply coming out as more of a question.

Janus snorted, and Remus hurried to correct. "Well, maybe once, but you stole my ketchup packet! A clear violation and punishable by death. I stand by my word."

"Okay…first of all? I have never once in my _life_ stolen anything from you, especially not a ketchup packet. And two, uh, you both expressed in plain English that if you ever saw me in this half of the mindscape or Imagination again you'd boil my toes and feed them to my dismembered head. Oh, but first you'd skin me alive and make me into a rug. Make a flute out of my bones. Turn my heart into a pincushion for Janus's sewing needles. Sounding familiar?"

He finally looked back up at them, not remembering lowering his head, and was surprised to see Remus's eyes shining with tears. "Wh-why would I say that to _a-anyo-one?"_ he demanded shakily. "I don't want to h-hurt people! What kind of m-monster do you think I am?" Remus's cries had evolved into wails, and Janus had tucked the other Side under his arm.

"That wassss cruel even for _you_ , Paranoia," he hissed. "Why would you ssssay that to him?"

"He's Thomas's intrusive thoughts," Virgil managed to get out. He dimly registered that Janus had called him Paranoia instead of Anxiety, but ignored the slip up in favor of the bigger issue.

Janus hissed angrily, eyes lighting up. " _Never_ compare Remus to… ** _him_** ever again if you value your life. Got it?"

Virgil's gaze hardened, and he nodded to himself, shoulders squaring. "That seems more in character for you. I knew you were just trying to trick me. Seems like that's all you ever do anymore. I'll go back and I won't bother any of you ever again, don't worry," he sneered.

”Go back where?” Janus asked, one hand jerking towards him in a quickly aborted movement. “The subconscious? You know that would kill you.”

"You'd like that, wouldn't you?" Virgil muttered. "No," he replied aloud. "Back to the other mindscape."

Remus abruptly lunged forward and latched onto his arm. "No! You can't, they'll hurt you! They hurt us, Vee, you can't go there!" The Side's eyes were huge, glistening with tears and a very real terror that tugged at Virgil's heart.

"Remus, what are you talking about? Your brother is up there. Roman? Not to mention that Patton wouldn't hurt a fly. And Logan is harmless, really, but he can talk his way out of shit like nobody's business. This one time..." He trailed off, noting the dumbstruck look on Janus's face. "What? Did I say something wrong?"

"They told you their _names_?" Janus whispered. "And they didn't...hurt you?"

"Hold up," Remus choked out. "My brother is a Light?"

Virgil frowned. "Last I checked, yeah. Do you know how often I've argued with him about something stupid in the last week alone? I think I'd remember if he was a Dark Side."

"We aren't dark, Virgil, you know we hate that. What's wrong with you today?" Janus asked, brushing his hand over Virgil's forhead. "You don't feel overly warm. Do you recall maybe hitting your head this morning?"

Virgil narrowed his eyes at them. Janus seemed genuinely worried, not even a trace of a lie in his tone. And the uncharacteristic thrum of fear and anxiety coming from Remus was definitely real; he was worried about his brother, and there was an undercurrent of fear surrounding...Virgil. If this was a prank, Remus would be the last person worried about the recipient.

"I...I think maybe I need to go lie down," he said steadily. "I...I don't...."

Janus, fortunately, saved him from scrambling for some half-assed excuse by hurrying him towards a room at the end of the hall. "You can lie down in mine, your room would just heighten your emotions."

"I-…okay. Thanks, Jan," Virgil muttered, exhaustion washing over him so suddenly his knees nearly gave out. Janus caught him easily, scooping him into his arms and opening the door with his elbow.

"Get some rest, Virge. We can talk more when you wake up, see if you remember anything when you wake up. How does that sound?"

Virgil just nodded, too far gone to answer. When Janus started to pull away, Virgil instinctively curled his fingers into the other Side's sleeve. His brain screamed at him, told him to let Janus go so he could be alone and figure out what was happning, but…it was warm, and he really was pretty tired.

Janus chuckled. "Would you like us to stay?" he asked gently.

Virgil nodded, reaching for Remus as well.

They curled up on either side of him, blanketing Virgil in that soothing warmth.

He was asleep before he could register closing his eyes.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I write too much anxceit cuddles, but…they call to me. I can't resist. Look, I'm just a huge anxceit fan, okay? So sushi-I mean sue me.
> 
> ~Ash


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> tw for panic attacks, hyperventilating, accidental self-harm during a panic attick (hair pulling and scratching), cursing, mentions from several characters about nightmares, unsympathetic sides in the dreamworld, semi-graphic description of murder (in the dreamworld) and Remus sort of has his weapon raised in a threatening manner when he first makes an appearance, but he harbors no malicious intent towards the other Sides present.
> 
> Summary of the chapter in case you skip for the TWs will be in the end notes. (The chapter ends with Roman and Remus hugging because the author is soft for healthy platonic Creativitwins content.)

Virgil spasmed awake, eyes blinking open to reveal a worried Logan peering down at him. "Lo? Where'd Jan and Remus go?" he slurred.

Logan frowned, leaning in and staring directly into his eyes. "They didn't join us this time, Virgil, remember? Perhaps you were dreaming? You did seem rather restless and you were muttering under your breath. After you fell aseep last night, Patton thought it best to not disturb you."

Virgil drew back at the intensity of Logan's gaze and shifted uncomfortably. "Right. Had a weird dream, I guess. It felt...pretty real."

Logan sat back on his heels, gaze softening. "It _can_ be rather disorienting at first. Would you like to talk about the dream?" he ased.

Virgil hesitated, then shook his head, remembering how Janus and Remus had talked about the Light Sides with an almost terrified and awestruck qulity. Like they were afraid of them, deathly so, but craved the ability to mingle among them.

"It's already fading," he lied. "I can remember flashes, but nothing specific." _A lie. The memory of Janus's cool hands against his skin (no gloves?) as he carried him to his bed feels somehow more real than sitting in the living room with Logan now._

"As is common with most dreams," Logan said, rising to his feet. "But Virgil?"

"Hmm?" Virgil hummed, looking up to meet Logan's eyes agin.

"If the dream lingers, or feels more real than you think it should...that is also normal. You can talk to me if you wish. But if you would rather keep it to yourself, I will not interrogate you for infomation. You can tell me as much or as little as you wish."

Virgil smiled at the logical side. "Thanks, Lo."

Logan inclined his head. "Of course."

Virgil was on his feet almost before Logan was out of the room, sucking in a breath as he braced himself to sink down.

The cold hit him almost immediately, and he shuddered, snapping to replace his patched hoodie for his checkered grey and black one. It was old, the fabric starting to wear on the elbows and sleeves where Virgil used to nervously pick and scratch at it when he'd get nervous. But it was undeniably warmer, a familiar comfort as its weight wrapped around his shoulders.

"Virgil? What are you doing down here?"

Virgil turned at Deceit's voice. "I think we need to talk. About last night."

Panic flashed across Janus's face for just a split second before his expression smoothed back into indifference. "Did Remus give you any troube? I was under the impression he was in his room all evening."

Virgil frowned. "Now you're going to play dumb with me? We had an entire conversation, Jan, you tried to convince me that the Light Sides were, like, I dunno. Evil or whatever."

The panic was back, and suddenly Janus was rushing forwards, gripping Virgil's arms tight enough to hurt. "You have them too?" he breathed, relief washing over his face. "You're getting those dreams?"

"Dreams?"

"They're dreams, Virgil, didn't you notice the inconsistencies? Something completely out of place with the world?" Janus was shaking him now, voice rising with increased terror and a frantic undertone that screamed for Virgil to believe him.

"I…the card Patton gave me was gone, and…and I was wearing my old sweater. And I couldn't feel the Light Sides," he admitted. "Not even a hint of them."

Janus nodded, releasing his arms. "You're having the dreams. I haven't asked Remus yet, and I doubt I would get a straight answer out of him anyways." Deceit suddenly looked down, the human side of his face flushing lightly.

"Janus...?" Virgil asked gently, placing a comforting hand on his former friend's shoulder.

"It's happened to me...seven or eight times now, and...and I feel like I'm losing my mind a little more every time I wake up back here. I can't help but wonder which reality is actually mine at this point. Maybe this is someplace my mind made up, and I'm in a coma, and that's why things are so...nice." Janus's eyes were shining with tears, and his shoulders hitched with a supressed sob.

"Why is this happening to us, Virgil? What did we do? What did we _do_?"

*****TW START*****

Remus stumbled noisily into the room behind them, morningstar held aloft and breathing in erratic gasps, eyes glazed over with panic and...fear. "Where is he? Where-" he started to shriek, but then his gaze landed on Virgil and he instantly dropped the weapon. "Oh thank god, I thought they killed you," he whimpered, tucking a confused Virgil against his chest.

"You thought who killed me?" Virgil asked, freeing his arms enough to wrap them around Remus and snuggle into the impromptu emrace. "Re, are you okay?"

Remus squeezed his eyes shut, breaths speeding until they blurred together nearly too fast for Virgil to follow. Instinct took over. "Can you breathe with me for a minute, Re? There you go. In for four...good, hold for seven...five six seven, perfect. Okay, out with me for eight. There you go, you're going well. I'm so proud of you. You're doing an amazing job, can we do that again?" he prompted gently.

Remus nodded, tapping four beats on Virgil's wrist with his bony fingers as he struggled to inhale properly.

"Slow as you need, Re, good job. Hold that breath for seven, count it wth me, okay?"

Remus lost his composure at five, chest hitching and breath whooshing out of his lungs. He immediately whined low in his throat, hands flying up to tangle roughly in his hair, yanking viciously at the strands, and Virgil _felt_ as the Side's fear-induced adrenaline spiked almost overwhelmingly. How he was still conscious was beyond Virgil.

He tapped Remus's wrists, trying to stop the action without actively restraining him. "Re," he called softly, and the Side flinched, meeting his eyes warily. "Remus. Can you try to stop pulling on your hair for me, kid? It's going to hurt you, and I don't want you to get hurt. Okay?"

Slowly, Remus nodded, hands loosening but not quite releasing the clumps of hair he had clenched in messy fistsfuls. "Sorry," he mouthed, still too panicked to remember how to speak. "Sorry."

"What did we-" Virgil started to say, but cut off when Remus winced, hands reflexively letting go of his hair to slam over his ears. _"What did we agree about not saying sorry for ...p a n i c a t t a c k?"_ he tried, using their old gibberish mix of ASL and their own gestures. It had helped them (him, Janus, Remus and Apathy) have conversations under the radar, appearing to be absently moving thir hands while talking to one of the Light Sides and also ask across the room if one if their group was okay. He finally spelled out the words when he couldn't remember the signs, but the other Sides caught his meaning before he was done. Fuck, did he use the right signs? He was rusty, he hadn't used it in too long and he wasn't-no. _Knock it off, Virge._ Virgil jerked himself out of his own downward spiral, well aware that his anxiety would definitely mingle wifh Remus's, and spillover anxiety from the literal embodiment of it to an already panicked Side would be...less than ideal.

 _"Don't be sorry for having a panic attack."_ Remus signed back hesitantly, and Virgil's heart twisted in his chest at the painfully unsure way Remus was looking up at him. Like a scared child, terrified but trusting and afraid of messing up. Of being abandoned.

He had to smile at the sign Remus used for "anxiety," however, despite the serious mood: a sharp upwards gesture around the side of the head, like pulling up a hood. His (Anxiety's) signature move among the fans, like Logan adjusting his glasses, or Thomas's intro gesture. He couldn't seem to remember what his would have been if he were still Paranoia. Those memories were so far back in Thomas's head that they'd gone blurry, unreadable and incomplete.

The fanders had never known Paranoia, and known Anxiety barely at all. He'd evolved into Vigilance after the Acceping Anxiety arc, more cofortable in both his role for Thomas and his place among the other Sides.

Remus had calmed himself enough that he was breathing steadily, though he had several nasty scratches down the left side of his face from clawing at himself in his panicked haze.

"Are you...feeling better?" Virgil asked gently. "Or do you need to keep counting?"

Remus considered for a moment, then pulled Virgil to him again. "Better now," he croaked, so softly Virgil wouldn't have heard him if Remus wasn't speaking right into his ear. "It's better now. You're alive."

"What do you mean, Re? Of course I'm alive," he said, trying to shrug nonchalantly without seeming unsympathetic of his former friend's obvious terror. "I'm okay."

"They cut you," Remus whispered, body trembling as he tried to recall his...dream? Virgil assumed he had been dreaming. Maybe the same nightmarish dreamworld he and Janus had been sucked into?

"They took you away and they cut you open right in front of us and you were _screaming for me_ and I couldn't _move_ I couldn't _help you_ ," he sobbed. "I couldn't help you , Vee. I'm sorry."

*****TW END*****

"It was a dream," Virgil consoled him, carefully shifting up, reversing their hug positions and stroking Remus's hair. "It wasn't real. I promise. We're all safe, see? Jan is over there and I'm right here. Okay?"

Remus sniffled and wiped at his eyes with his sleeves. "Where's my brother?"

Virgil frowned. "His room, probably. Want to go check on him?"

Remus nodded without pulling away. "Please."

Virgil pulled them both upright, silently eding the way and shoving Roman's door open without knocking. Roman flinched, dropping the stack of papers he'd been holding with a scresm that was quickly cut off when he recognized them. "Morning Remus, Virgil. Did something get out of the Imaji-" Roman locked eyes with his brother and instantly dropped the papers he'd gathered again, leeaping to his feet. "Woah, hey, what happened? Are you okay?"

Remus launched himself into his brother's arms, muffling a little sob into his shoulder. Roman, to his credit, ony froze for a split second before wrapping his arms around Remus and tugging them both over to curl up on the edge of the bed. "What happened?" Roman whispered.

"Dream," Remus said, just as quietly, curling into his brother's embrace.

Roman shushed him quietly as he started to cry again, sniffles and himpers that sounded so _wrong_ coming from a Side who was normally so chaotically energetic and loud. It hurt to see him so subdued and in pain. "I'm sorry, Ree. I'm right here, it's okay, nobody is hurt. You're alright."

Virgil smiled, tugging Janus out of the room, leaving the brothers to find comfort in a bond that had never quite been severed.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Oh my gods this chapter is an absolute mess why is it so shortttttt. But brO I'm SO PROUD OF THAT LAST SENTENCE-
> 
> If you skipped the marked off section: Remus has had the same dreams the other dark sides have experienced and wakes panicked after one and looks for Virgil, who was injured and k/lled in his dream. Virgil helps him through a breathing exercise and uses a form of sign language the dark sides (him, Remus, Janus and Apathy) made up to communicate with him and help calm him down. They then go with Remus to find Roman to reassure Remus that he is safe as well.
> 
> ~Ash


	4. flashback pt 1

_"Have you seen Apathy this morning?" Janus asked._

_Virgil glanced up, mentally scanning through the morning. "Not yet," he finally said. "I thought he was asleep." He shrugged, tossing his phone aside and stretching. "I'll check his room."_

_"Don't bother, I just did. He isn't there. That's why I'm asking if you've seen him."_

_"Dinner last night was the last time I saw him. You want me to scout out the Subconscious? I know you hate it down there, and Remus would probably pitch himself off a cliff for fun," he snorted. Janus smirked. "I can check along the Forgotten too, while I'm down there."_

_Janus grimaced at that, wrinkling his nose in disgust. "Virgil, are you sure? It's highly painful to be down there for any substantial amount of time, I could always just run down there for a quick moment."_

_Virgil shook his head. "Absolutely not," he said. "I'm used to the Subconscious, I can handle it. The last time you were down there, it-" Virgilbroke off abruptly, hand coming up to brush against the right side of his face, miming where Janus's scars trailed down his face, marring the skin and blinding one eye._

_Janus raised a hand to mimic Virgil's movement without meaning to, wincing at the memory. "I remember. If you are sure you will be alright, then I suppose it is one our only viable option. If you aren't back in an hour, I'm coming in after you. And yes, I mean it."_

_"...I know."_

_”Virgil?”_

_”Yeah?”_

_”...Please come home safely.”_

_”I will.”_


	5. flashback pt 2

_"It's fucking freezing down here," Virgil grumbled, pulling his hoodie tighter around his body. "Shit."_

_"Then why are you down here?"_

_Virgil flinched at the sudden noise, hissing as he spun around. "Oh. Why aren't you up in the mindscape?"_

_Apathy shrugged. "Quiet down here. I like it."_

_"It's nice, if you can stay warm enough."_

_Apathy raised an eyebrow, looking utterly disinterested. "Can you not just adjust your body temperature?"_

_Virgil wrinkled his nose. "I can't actually thermoregulate, so, no. Only the Light or Neutral Sides can do that."_

_Apathy hummed in lieu of a response, and Virgil inched closer. “Home?”_

_”Please.”_

_Apathy winced, a flash of fear crossing his face. “I think I’m evolving, Virge.”_

_Virgil looked back at him sharply. ”How?”_

_”I don’t know. It hurts. And it’s easier down here, because it’s SUPPOSED to hurt down here.”_

_Virgil grabbed Apathy’s hand as tightly as he could. “Don’t let go.”_

_”I won’t if you won’t.”_

_”I’m not gonna let go. I promise you.”_

_”I promise.”_


End file.
